My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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