Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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