I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
