Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
