I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
