Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
barbara walters just said penis...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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