mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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