I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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