They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
