your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
