Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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