I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
