I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
