you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
