I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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