Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
