...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need a beard to bite.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
