I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
