I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
