Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
