DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
