so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
