Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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