Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
