that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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