When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
