I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
