Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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