I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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