yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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