my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
