Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
