Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
