you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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