omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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