How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
