Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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