All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
