Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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