I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
