I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These tits shall not be calmed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
