If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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