no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
