apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
