i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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