hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
