Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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