she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
