Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
