So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
