btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
