Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
